Mushroom Slang Terminology
by David Campbell
- Nuke
- to get excited and trash a landscape in search of
subterranean fungus buttons.
- Probe
- as above, only executed with gentle discretion.Recommended for those with respect for their relationship with the ecosystem.
- Rake
- a digressive form of nuking rudely and summarily practiced
by some truffle hunters, the infamous sub-human boletivore trolls,
and feral pigs.
- Evidence
- like "debris", though not always so obvious: divots in
the leaf pack or earth, disturbed surfaces in likely spots, or
darker and moist mulch in certain patches representing a recent
overturning or exposure to the surface; or,
a filled crater strewn with fresh pine needles, that when excavated
reveals the trimmings from all those boletes I hauled out of here
previously; or,
a conspicuous intricate web of paths beneath a likely grove,
perhaps betraying the fervor of some intriguing mycorrhizal
shenanigans; or,
short, hunkered persons carrying white buckets, occasionally woven
baskets, proliferating in proximity of woods.
- Mushrump
- my favorite evidence, a mounding or swelling in the duff
formed by the pending eruption of large fruiting fungus. Frequently
confused with "Dudrumps", or "Dumprumps", mounds that contain other
disappointing or disgusting objects, or nothing at all.
- Car
- spoken in anxious whisper, or even subdued yell, means hide
yourself immediately, or mime any activity imaginable other than
hunting for mushrooms. Favorites include "I'm a deer", wherein the
performer holds a finger or two protruding from either side of the
head and chews cud; the "Birder", a simple snap of the head and
body from the hunched position to an erect observance of the sky
and treetops, (binoculars are an excellent prop) ;and, especially
good for men, the "Whizzer', who assumes the posture of
conspicuously micturating while attempting to be innocuous.
- Spot
- anyplace where you have picked desirable mushrooms. Combined
with "my" it represents a formidable possessive attitude.
- Zone
- a sequence or cluster of geographically associated "Spots".
or, an area where you just know it's HAPPENING !
- Snorkel
- to find them where they ain't. Where the many have
searched, this button's for you !
- Duffbusters
- arcane, loosely knit group of clandestine master
"Snorklers", possessing a legendary mystique for their ungodly
devastating impact on favorite hunting grounds...of dubious
whereabouts and identity, although those who stake a claim to this
nefarious status are surely impostors.
- Grub
- term used in presence of company whom you wish to impress
with the delectability of your slightly invaded porcini dinner, as
opposed to "worm" or "maggot', terms used when you'd just as soon
your mooching friends take their leave.
- Deer
- long-legged ubiquitous boletivores of the rat family.
- Mushroom season
- a geographical consideration; it's always
raining somewhere.
- Unboletable
- one of the great lies - "No more mushrooms for me!"
- American permutations of "cep", French for Boletus edulis:
- En-cep-alitis
heavy fever, usually ensuing at the very
beginning of the rainy season. Seriously warps thought process
of victim, behavior becomes agitated and erratic, eventually
obsessive. Parallels symptoms of heavy drug addiction or
religious fanaticism. Only know cure : profuse dousing with
capture/devour therapy process, implementing the occasionally
profuse fungus, Boletus edulis.
- Ex-cep-tional
a very good year.
- Ex-cep-tion
the removal of one, or where it used to be.
- Ceptember
when the season starts a bit early around here.
- Ceptimber
the woods where they grow.
- Ceptimbre
the sound produced by finger-thwacking the stipe
of an exquisitely taut button.
- 'Trellside Strangler
- fungicidal maniac who took all the
chantrelles 'cuz he got there first.